The Daily Illini did a commendable job with their Friday cover story. Reporter Sarah Small gets it most of the time, which is impressive, due to the subject matter. Let's take it sequentially, starting with the anecdotal lede:
Scott Johnson, junior in LAS, played his first online poker game at the age of 13. Within a week of his first time playing, he had won $900. Three hours later, he lost all of his money.
Looks all good to me -- thus far. Johnson’s age looks good, and so does the $900. Let’s see if this gets interesting.
Johnson turned 18 his first day at the University as a freshman, and during his first days on campus, he won $3,000. He cashed out $1,000 of this and lost $2,000. Since the first time he played an online poker tournament, Johnson has experienced the ups and downs of winning and losing.
Here we run into a hodgepodge of numerals. The second sentence here is a bit choppy. Maybe I’m a little magazine-y here, but I’d change $1,000 to something like “a grand,” and then follow with, “lost the remainder.”
This story is a pretty solid one -- but it could use some liveliness. That’s a tall order for a numeral-centric story such as this. Small does well with the story, but it’s not quite perfect.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
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1 comment:
I think I'm a little "magazine-y" too, when I see things like $1,000 and wish it said a grand. I think most people are making a shift into that kind of format, and most people want a style of writing that really makes everything clear and straightforward.
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